I just wanted to announce to the world that today I have begun work on a Halo port for PocketPC. No, seriously, really, I have!
I have obtained a license from Microsoft by purchasing the game for XBox. That IS good enough, right?!? I believe that by stareing at the disc through my Intel Play USB Microscope, I can reverse-engineer the source code. I still have to look into DMCA ramifications, but you have to do that just to take a piss these days, so I'm not worried.
Aaaaaanyway...
Now, I admit a couple of things won't be *quite* the same as the XBox or PC versions...
Firstly, all the full-motion videos will have to be reduced to three pixels randomly bouncing around the screen, while the audio tracks are "compressed" down to a single 1 second repeated loop of my sister farting. Not exactly the same I guess, but close enough, considering the hardware constraints of a PocketPC.
Now, in-game graphice will also have to undergo some changes...
All textures are reduced in a full sub-Ranson texulation fashion to allow for meshes with a full 3-nibble cross-sectional anti-quantum algorithmic rendering technique that should allow the quality to be about on par with those of a Timex Sinclair 1000 with it's power cord knocked out (damn, I just lost an eBay auction for a Timex... argh...)
The rendering engine is virtually unchanged though... Well, except for the fact that everything is translated to ASCII-character art. A minor thing to be sure, but a sacrifice that had to be made to fit in the miniscule 380 megs of space the game takes up. Don't worry though, that's just storage space... It only needs about half that in program RAM to run. Very tight code, if I do say so myself (about as tight as Anna Nicole Smith's ass).
You will be able to map the 17 needed actions for playing the game to any hardware key you want. In fact, I have devised an rather ingenious method by which clicking a single button can means up to four different things, and the game engine will be able to discern your meaning by the amount of pressure you apply. Force feedback is (will be) and wonderful thing on a PocketPC.
It will of course support 3-D LCD devices, and will incorporate a super-sub pixel rendering pipeline to allow for resolutions up to 1600x1200 at 1-bit color on any device, even cell phones with native resolutions as low as 96x127. Damn I'm good!
Now, I know your wondering about frame rates... Not to worry! I expect the first beta, available some time after hell freezing over, should push out an astonishing .00000000435 frames per second. Turning down special effects and image quality of course can eek that up to an astounding .005 FPS. Granted, it'll just be a blank screen occassioned by a white line across it, but damn it'll fly!
It should run on any pro-rated "modern" device (i.e., any device that will exist about five years in the future) running from 3GHz on up. Boot time, due to the highly-efficient (and completely proprietary) Heisenberg-compensating re-integration loader modulator, should be less than the time it takes you to realize that this post is a load of B.S.
Ok, that's enough hyping. Time to get back to work...
