I just returned from a 5-day trip to lake San Antonio with some friends, wakeboarding, waterskiing, etc. I came back feeling very very depressed and dealing with a complicated emotion that I've never felt before.
These friends of mine are actually the daughters of my parents high-school buddies, and they are only a year younger than me... I've known them forever but just now I've felt a sudden rush of affection towards one of them... it doesn't feel like an another infatuation, like with the other girl, but I feel like I'm being ripped apart at the seams with desire... maybe it was 5 days of bikinis alone on the beach for 10 hours at a time, but it doesn't feel like just another infatuation. It feels different; I mean I've looked at hundreds of girls and gone "dang that's one smooth ride" but that was it, I went to the next period and had a normal day. But this is emotionally draining me. I'm scared, I've never ever wanted to spend eternity with someone. I mean I just sat there and looked at her for hours as she slept in the sunlight, her chest moving rythmatically, her small feet buried in the sand. I've never actually enjoyed making someone laugh before. Normally I move onto the next joke or funny without so much as a pause. This time I felt a serious burst of happiness watching and listening to her laugh her perfect laugh.
I left without saying goodbye this morning and I felt strangely empty. I have no idea why. I've tried doing all the usual things I do, but shes always in the back of my mind. I slept for most of the day, deep in depression. Even getting a 5:1 ratio in Day of Defeat didn't help that.
Please don't laugh at me for this, I am seriously at a loss of what I'm thinking/feeling. You guys have experience in these matters...
btw excuse my poor sentance structure/overall english...
woo post #1080. I could never do one of those on a snowboard.
